What If Your Brand Is Just Your Fear Talking

Episode 100 is the one where I stop pretending the path was neat. I’m talking about how I became the person behind the brand and why the version of you that got you here might not be the one who can take you further, especially when life forces a reset you never planned for. If you’ve been feeling a quiet identity mismatch between what you post and what you actually believe, you’re going to recognise yourself in this. 

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Transcript

Episode 100 And The Core Lesson

Starting A Side Hustle Safely

Class Bias And Industry Privilege

Sexism At Work And The Pay Gap

Neurodivergence And The Seed Of A Motto

Building A Studio On Trust

A Child’s Illness Changes Everything

COVID Lockdowns And Hospital Life

Postpartum Depression And Business Contraction

Redefining Success And The Time Myth

SPEAKER_00 0:03

You're listening to Brandon Butter, for straight talking, occasionally in your face, no BS branding podcast for modern marketers and business owners. For those who want to understand the influence and power of branding and how pairing associations with consumer behaviour and design thinking can impact what people see, think and feel. I'm your host, Mara Ladd, for sometimes funny, sometimes vulnerable, and often unapologetically blunt, founder and creative director of Brandon Design Agency, your one and only. Hey, hey, welcome to this week's episode of Brandon Bonner. It's a bit exciting today because it is episode 100, which is crazy to me. Because I barely advertise this, which is wild for someone that talks about it, but a lot of people find it. So obviously it's doing its thing naturally, but it's pretty big. So today I want to talk to you, I guess, about a little story that's more relevant to who I am. A little story being like my whole progression into who I am as a person and how I got to where I am. Ha ha. But it's more talking to the version of you that got to where you are today, as in well, the you being me, but like you hoping to relate to what I'm about to say. And how the first version of you isn't necessarily the person that will take you to the next step. So I think this is a really important subject as we start to look at the development of personal brand and how important that is in establishing not necessarily authority, but trust with the consumer. They're looking into who is owning the businesses and who is running the show essentially. So that's what consumers do these days. And they look and they, you know, want to know who's running it and if they're value-aligned and if they're doing the right things that appease them. Not all, but a lot, especially the younger demos. And so something that I've always really loved to do is connect with people because I'm in my business for more than just doing what I do in terms of the skill set that I have. It's something that I just really love to do. So without further ado, I will bring you into my story. So the version of me today is very different to the version that started. So when I first started Your One and Only, it was a stationary business. So I was working 10 years in advertising and I'd been recently engaged. So we took talking 2013-ish now. You'll see when the page was created. And it basically started off as a Kickstarter, you know. I wanted to do something on the side because I was doing all my big thinking stuff in my old studio with my old agencies. And yeah, I just wanted to do something really creative. And so hence the name Your One and Only, because it came from like coupling. Still very relevant today, actually. We just shifted what that meant. But it that's where it established itself from. And it was always something that I wanted to do. I always wanted to create my own business. So I worked and I studied and I did so many different things while I was working full-time, which thankfully gave me the ability to do so. So, yes, there is that element of having that safety net underneath you while you are learning and while you are growing as a business owner. And I think that that's a lot of things that are a lot of the reason why a lot of people are failing to understand how people get to where they are. And to me, having that security gives you the ability to understand risk and it gives you more ability to take a risk. Now, there's also the flip side to that is that some people don't have any kind of option but to take the risk. But in this case, it was more from a place of safety. But that wasn't that I didn't take risks, I took a lot of risks, but it was that I chose to use that time that I was in my old agencies to study and to be accredited. So I've studied art direction and I've studied copywriting and brand development and strategy, and I've done coding, which look, not a fan, but know how to do it. Website design development, user experience. I've done communications certificate, uni, and neuroscience and all of these things that I've been. I'm just one of those people that loves to learn. Just have to, it's it's neurodivergent. I'm a neurodivergent. You know, it's that jam everything into your mind and validate. But there was a start at the very beginning when I started, I started because of a lot of reasons which have blown up to what your one and only is today. And one of those reasons was when I was working in my agency, they were very, we were city-based, Sydney CBD, and I came from Southwestern Sydney. And so instantaneously off the bat, there is a stereotype there about coming from the West, and you know, people had a superiority complex, and there was a big joke about postcodes, and without even saying it, there's a bias, right? People think that you're less than because of where you came from. So there was one thing that really rubbed me the wrong way. And like you joke and laugh about it, there's a whole thing, but when it really came down to the fact of how you were treated in a corporate environment and they choose to downgrade you based on where you come from, which a lot of people can relate to, I can assume, you aren't on the same playing field at all. And this is one thing that I really started to notice because when I wanted to get into the industry, now we're going back here, we're talking yellow pages. I when I graduated college, I went through the yellow pages and I called every single design and advertising studio agency I could for three weeks straight until someone got sick of me and just said, look, come in and have an interview. Two people did. And so I went in and I had the interview and I got the job. And the job was a hybrid role. And so this is the story of everything, really, because the job was for me to start halfway answering the phone and half doing design, and I'd work into the studio. For a lot of other agencies, they were like, you can do an unpaid internship for 12 months. And I was like, but I can't do that. Like I physically, my parents can't afford to, you know, we weren't broke, but they couldn't afford to fund me as an adult while trying to, you know, get the train into the city every week and pay for my petrol and essentially for me to live because I wasn't able to get a job outside of that. I mean, I did, but you know what I mean. And I was wanting this to be my nine to five. So I needed a paid job. And that's the experience that I was able to have. And I noticed that a lot of the people that got into those agencies that were able to give them unpaid internships or gave them unpaid internships, the ones that were able to do it came from families that were able to support those kids. It was early on that I kind of realized there was a bit of a privilege at play there. You know, if you're able to do this, you of course the door opens for you. It's also who you know allowed you to get into that door. And I knew no one. I had to make and build those connections from the from scratch. And a lot of people I know listening to this will understand where I'm coming from here. Having someone or knowing someone within that industry is leaps and bounds and advantage, you know, without you even realizing, because it's such a cutthroat industry. Anyways, time went on and I was in this job. The first time that I really noticed a discrepancy in terms of favoritism, I guess you would say. No, it's a bit of a bias, was when my boss at the time decided to hire a junior male designer while I was sitting right there at the front desk. And this infuriated me because I am I am the type of worker where you were like, I would work, like I worked, a lot of work went into the time, and the work that I was producing was really good, and I couldn't understand why. And the reason I was like, my colleague at the time, I remember saying, Go in and say something, I will back you up. And so I was like, great. So I went in and I, you know, when you go in full of rage, and I just broke down crying. I'm like, this isn't the way I was supposed to be. I just said this is not what I wanted to do. I don't want to be a receptionist hybrid. I wanted to be a junior designer. That role came open and you hired someone else externally. And not only did you hire someone externally, you hired a guy and you left me on the front desk. And I didn't even, I don't even think he realized his own bias there, but then he moved me off the desk. They hired, they actually then collapsed the receptionist role into the studio and everyone had to answer the phone. And I remember being told when the I just let the phone ring because I was like, well, this isn't my job anymore. It's everyone's job, and everyone should have a go at answering the phone. I'd let it ring and he'd come out with the shits. I'm like, hey, isn't it the studio's job? It's not my job just to answer the phone, go and say it to someone else. Anyway, this junior designer guy ended up being the biggest loser and failed on so many different projects and just kept botching things up. And not because he was just accidentally making mistakes, because he was coming to work stoned, just like, you know, just not a great per like, just took advantage of the situation. I felt so ripped off that I'd put in all this work and someone like that was to replace that role. Anyway, so these are the things that kind of started to make me look at things and assess things a lot better. I also was listening to the conversation of postcodes. I remember we were talking about, you know, there'd be like westies, and I mentioned this before, but coasties and you know, up the central coast and inner city, and we'd all laugh and joke. All of us were really good mates. But underneath it, you know that there was a little jab. And I remember saying, like, at least I can park my car on the road, and we were laughing because I bought my property. My property was mine, we were, we owned it, but they were all renting. And I was like, you can't rent your way into a status. Like, we were just laughing, but like that there was an element of truth to that, and that's no hate on anyone, but it was just this really weird vibe of people thinking they're better than other people based on where they come from or how much money they made, and I just never thought like that, and I found it to be really gross. I mean, if I wanted to be a bitch, I could be, which is why I'd like sledge some, you know, under the table comments when I wanted to, and I'm not all saviour complex mode either. Like, I'm not always like good-minded. I say some pretty shifty things sometimes, but it's also learning. You learn. I also noticed that when a lot of the really great women leads that were in our studio left to have kids, they'd come back and would be parked in like an admin role. And they'd still do things, whether it be a hybrid role, but they it that you could you can sense it, like you know, when there's a difference in tone, like suddenly who you were to who you are now has taken a back seat, and just the language that was used, like, oh, I can't come in today, my kid's got a snotty nose, and just this goffs around, you know, oh, not again, or here we go again, or but then you know, one of the other guys would be sick all the time, and there's nothing, like no one would say anything. And I also, you know, worked, and you know when you want to be careful with what you say, but it's been like over 10 years now, but I loved my team, but there was an element where I would have to work harder than my own creative director who would fall asleep at his desk, and I would be picking up the slack in the studio because obviously I liked the guy, so I didn't want him to get into shit, and I knew that there was a lot going on for him at home, so I tried to cover base, but then I was taking on that load, right? And then so all of this credit that you know would go around of who gets to go out to all the client dinners and lunches, and I would never get to go to those things, and I was like, this is actually bullshit, like I'm the one doing the work and not getting to go. And there was a lot of other things that you know, fringe benefits that were under the table that I didn't know about. Also, this is part of a gender pay gap. People don't realize, and not that that was intentional, but I mean it kind of was. I do remember at one stage when I was talking to one of my clients who and who and we got along like a house on fire, he was so cool. And I created this campaign for him, and my boss at the time, also not a designer, I should clarify that, was like, I don't like it. And I was like, that's great, client does. And he was like, No, but this isn't right, like I don't want to do this. And I'm like, look, I'm not changing this. The client has signed off on it. You actually don't get a say in this. He went off his head, like, no, I want to talk to the client, blah, blah, blah, blah. So anyway, called up the client on the speaker phones. Uh, client said, Don't change it. Obviously, sided with what I said, and my client and my boss got the shits. Anyway, before he even made that phone call, him and I were back to back in front. And I'm just that person that's like, I'm like not, yeah, I don't sit lightly. When I know I'm in the right, I don't do not sit, I will fight for for what's right. And I remember him saying to me, you know, oh, you need to do this, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, this is not what I was asked to do. You are not the client. Blah, blah, blah. He's paying us money. And we were like at it. And he, you could tell that he was getting really frustrated, that I just was not listening to his authority. And mine was going by who was right in the instance of this is what the client wants. It's actually not about you. He's paying us to do the work. This is what the client wants. Anyway, I just peeked my shit up and left that day. Didn't even, I was like, I'm done, I'm out, walked out. Anyway, I came back to work the next day, and there was like it was icy. And my boss was, you know, it was, it was for a little while, it was really icy. And I was like, I don't even give a shit anymore. And I was packed, like getting stuff ready to leave, and I had interviews lined up, and I printed this Steve Jobs quote, and it said, please don't come over here and give me your unsolicited advice unless you're Steve Jobs and you're not because he's dead. And it obviously wasn't Steve Jobs, it wasn't from him, obviously, but that's what it said. And I printed it on a large A4 piece of paper and I stuck it right next to my computer desk, and it stayed there until the day I left. And I was like, A couple of months later, we had a really special mention in the BUPA Australia, that's who the client was. Email that mentioned and featured the campaigns that I had done. And my boss came over to me and said, This was amazing work. I'm really glad that you did that. Uh, never said sorry, but said, Here is a$200 gift voucher, go and get your hair done. I was like, what the fuck? I was so annoyed by that that you couldn't even say sorry, but then you gave me a$200 voucher to get my hair done. I'm also not that type of person either. Like I love getting my hair done, but you know what I mean? Like I'm not that it was like here, go and fix your beauty standards. I was like, that is that how you see me? I was just so annoyed. Anyway, I was also a girls girl, so I used to stick up for the girls in the office a lot when we were one of the girls wanted to leave, and I helped her like found her jobs and she got into I think it was like Klaminger BBDO and you know worked her way up. She's doing really well now, so yay to her. And then there was another one where my boss didn't value the the admin stuff, the production staff, like the studio manager she was, and yeah, just you don't make us money. And I was like, oh my god. So it was just, and then the the ratio of how many men we had versus women. I think I was the only female creative for for a long while. Like there was two of us, and then she moved into an uh to a studio management role, studio management, account management role, and yeah, and then one of the other girls that was promised full-time didn't get it. And I've noticed this sexism plate, and it's obviously this isn't the premise of the conversation, but it just shows all of these little stereotypes, like location, where you live, uh, what you do. I also at the time, I guess neurodivergent awareness was not as predominant as it is now. But myself and one of the other guys in the studio, full clear as day, like you know, and I was very open with having ADHD, but obviously no one knew anything about it, so they didn't think anything of it. But there was this fluorescent light that would sit above my desk and it would flash and I'd be like, get it off. I hate it so much, and I would argue with my boss about never re-there was two of them in there, so I'd like never refilling it, hated it. Used to put my headphones in to do my work, stay through lunch breaks, like things like that that just would the hyper focus hated meetings would never go in. And like it was not until I left that I started to realize a lot of those things were actually me dealing with my environment as an Audi HDR, you know, um, being both autistic and ADHD. And that's what actually started the whole underlying of you're one and only, without me even realizing it. So the first thing that I wrote down on a post it note, because I remember they say put your elevator pitch down on a post-it note, and if it doesn't work, then you know, if it's too long, it's if it's longer than the post-it note, it's too long, right? It's not memorable. The thing that I wrote down, and I still stand by these days, is don't put shit to market. What I love most about that is shit can be such a broad term. And at the time it was just don't put crap work to market. But as I've evolved, I've realized that shit can mean bad messaging, bad stereotypes, bad intentions. And what I am now adhering to that, or how I'm adhering to that, I should say, is what that actually means to me. So the business grew. I did really well, left. I brought one of my girls over, Stace, who I trained when she was at my old studio, and she'd left and was working at Belkin. And then I said, Hey, do you want to come and freelance for me? And then one thing led to another, and she ended up being on the books because we'd gone so well. Signed on two retainers, one of them is still with me today, love them, and yeah, we we grew really quickly. Then obviously, Sam joined the team, who's my sister, and then Amy joined the team, and Erie joined for a little while while uh Stace was on Mat Leave. But the whole growing of the business was very much in alignment to how I wanted to work when I was in my studio. Now, this is obviously going to pre-2019, and so yeah, I paid super on top of Mat on top of the government Mat Leave. Obviously, I couldn't, you know, had didn't have the expenses to pay full MAT leave, but I was trying to do my best. And I know super is such an important thing for women on maternity leave that didn't get that for investment purposes, and obviously now they pay that, but they didn't at the time. And then I would also flexible working arrangements. Like one of my girls, Amy, was she's amazing. She now got her own thing going on, she's in South Africa, but she was an amazing drawer, and I was so down for her to eat to to develop that skill and continue it continue to continue to develop that skill. And she um would ask, you know, do things in the middle of the day. Can I do an art course? Cool, of course you can. And the way that this worked was that we just trusted each other. It was designers running the house, and I mean, obviously I fucked up sometimes, but for the general gist of it, it really worked. Now Amy joined the team post-2019. She joined, I think, in 2021, 202 no. And I had my first baby in 2019. And this is when everything took a turn. So Ari, my firstborn, was born in July 2019 with a chronic liver disease called biliary atresia. And what that means is the bile ducts in his liver are really like they're either non-existent or they're fused together, and the bile can't drain from the liver, which causes a buildup of scar tissue and then eventual liver failure. Now, the correction surgery is has like a 30% success rate, 30% partial rate, and he was in the latter. So at four weeks old, he ended up having a correction surgery, and this was not picked up prior, by the way. It's wasn't genetic, it just was uh one of those coincidences that you could never have accounted for. And right before COVID happened. So in October 2019, I was away with a lot of my business mates that I still talk to now, one of them being my amazing photographer, also owns her production agency, Heist Creative. And Ari had had his first day in hospital. And I remember I remember my husband was saying, You gotta go, you gotta go. And I was just seeing all these things that were starting to take hierarchy, the things that started. Really matter versus the things that didn't matter anymore, and what other people were worried about versus what I was worried about were two very completely different things. And in May 2020, he needed a liver transplant. And so in that time, there was a lot that happened. So for the first nine months of that, it was a lot of uh, a lot of feelings, a lot of adjustment, a lot of identity recreation. But then being told that your kid could die is a really horrible thing. Sorry, trigger warning for anyone to have to listen to. And you empathize with all of these people from all different walks of life that have had to suddenly deal with something. It doesn't even have to be something similar to you, but something that shakes their world. And his transplant happened in May 2020, which was bang straight after COVID. So we were in COVID-1 lockdown when this happened. And so obviously, we were in our own version of lockdown. We couldn't see anyone six weeks post his transplant. It's a super volatile time with being immunosuppressed, and then Q the anti-vax rhetoric. So at a time when you've just been told that your son is now immunocompromised, you've now got this whole thing with an anti-vax rhetoric happening. And look, silver lining was that everyone washed their damn hands after that. But it was a really sketchy time. So 37 hospital stays over a period of three years because when you have a when you're immunocompromised, you need to go to hospital when you hit a fever over 38.5 in Australia anyway. And so every viral infection that hit over 38.5, we had a 48-hour mandatory hospital stay with IV antibiotics. What that did was took seven months of our lives being in a hospital room. And this isn't for, I guess, any sympathy, but it's just to show you that that time we could not control. We had to do that. That was our life. And so after that, it was, and obviously I was pregnant at the end of 2020 because I thought everything was fine. And then we went into Delta, and oh my God. I went into postpartum depression after I had my second baby who was also colic. So just as I thought everything was fine, or we'd have the put in a verticum as normal baby after what we'd been through, we went through that experience as well. And this was right at the time when everything just started to just drop off after COVID. The the supply chain started to drop and be well, not drop, but it was like impacted. And so industries were like starting to really be uh impacted. And so we lost two of our retainers because they needed to save funds because their industry was was impacted, and you know, leads dried up because I wasn't able to do marketing because I had my head in my two children, like you know what I mean, and my head was in focusing on bringing my children up as opposed to in the business, and obviously that one thing led to another, and I had to scale back in the studio, and um Stace asked if she could leave and um not asked to leave. She I was talking to her about the hardship of it, and she said that she could she had another job that she could go to, and I was like, yes, and so obviously Stace and I'm still really close. That took a lot of weight off my shoulders, and I tried so hard to keep the rest of them on, but yeah, one thing led to another and months and months of like not bringing anything in and siphoning through all the savings that we had had there. We I had to let I had to let Amy go and I had to let the studio go. And that felt like such a massive failure to me because I had built this five-year plan that I had thought of. You know, in year three, I had got to the year five mark, and I'd got a studio, and we loved that studio, and we were a really good, thriving team, and we all got along really well, and everything just worked, and then one series of events led to another and put us in a predicament that I don't think a lot of other people could have predicted. So even when they say to prepare yourself, you can't prepare for the unexpected. Something like that is so massive that it wasn't something small, it was something that went on and on and on. Like it wasn't a small, like, oh, you know, you're gonna get through three months of hardship. Like it was, this is our life now. On top of that, both boys have been diagnosed with Audi HD, so they're both autistic ADHD. Um, and obviously they need they have demands in some areas. So perfectly fine, beautiful kids, but demanding in a sense that we have to get them to do things like OT, and we want them to do all of the things that any other, you know, kid does in terms of extracurriculars. And um, I mean, obviously, we are in a much better position than a lot of other people. I should start by saying that they are thriving in what they do, but they're definitely not considered higher needs, which I know a lot of people that have kids like that, and this really makes me empathize with that because you're in a carer's role there. I have a friend that had a child, her second child, who is epileptic, and she's had to leave her job. I have another friend that is homeschooling her child, um, and she's had she had to park her job, and we look at these things that are happening and the narratives that are going around, and I started to see this big systemic problem. And that was in the medical space, which obviously opened the lid on so many other different things. So I started to look into systemic racism and we look into gender differences and we look into disability and we look into all of like all of it. You know, the the thing is massive, and this is something that I wanted to change or at least give a narrative to. And that meant that I wanted to have conversations that were hard, that a lot of people wanted to put their hands over their eyes for, or they didn't want to rock the boat with their with their customers or their consumers. And for me, I've like for me, money is a construct, it's it's a social construct. So what we think of money is our own interpretation of it. And I, over the last few years, have had to go into a really deep identity realignment of to who I was and what my expectations was and what I considered to be success. And I realized when we have an element of safety in terms of income, everything felt good. My relationships were great, my husband is great, my friendships are great, my health is could be better, to be fair, but it's coming back. And I I had to put that at the back burner for a while. And it's these little things where the things that actually worked for me were time. I needed time. And people tell you that you can make time, but you can't make time. I could not make that seven months back. That's not something that you can make. So my messaging for you one and only goes out to people of educating them about the deeper, deeper meanings of people behavior. Because I started obviously to study that, and that was in 2022. Ironically, post, you know, postpartum depression. But I absolutely knocked that out of the park. Really high scores in that. And I was like, maybe this is what I need to be doing because I've always been really interested in, you know, anthropology and sociology and all of the things that, you know, build human identity. And that was when I found my through line. Your one and only was identity in terms of business, and your and taralad was identity in terms of the person, and both interact. Whereas I talk a high-level game on Taralad about, you know, systemic issues as to who we are as people, our ideologies and biases and things that we well, how we make decisions, right? Money, all these things m impact how we make choice, security, psychological safety. And your one and only is the outcome. It's like a subset of that. It is brand, it is consumers, it is how we buy is indicative of who we are as people and both crossover. And when last year it was not last year, the year before. Can't remember what year it was now. I rewrote all the copy for your one and only. I think it was 2024. And I spoke at the comeback conference, so for the digital picnic, and I got up on stage and I decided to write. Actually, before that, I should say, before we got to there, I had a conversation with an amazing creator, big thinker, love the guy, Kent King, Kent Cultivate. If you know his Instagram, we did a podcast episode. And he was helping me because I have this level of thinking that a lot of people can't get to. And I know that sounds so pompous, but what I mean by that is I go really deep and sometimes because an ADHD thinker, I go into like eight different compartments and everyone's like, Whoa, take it back to the main page. But he was able to go toe-to-toe with me. There's about four people that I know that can do that. And he was able to go to that level where he was pulling things out as I was going and was able to keep up with the speed of my brain to the point where at the end of it he goes, You're a trailblazer. And I said, What are you talking about? He's what you are trying to do is is shake the system. And it was almost like he gave me permission to be able to do the thing that I wanted to do. Fast forward to the comeback conference, which is probably three months later, probably, where I spoke about the new consumer um brand identity in the new consumer. And what I spoke to at that event was something that I don't think that people were ready to hear then, but I think that they're seeing what I spoke to then is now coming into fruition now. That was that the movements like Me Too movement and Black Lives Matter movement, and we saw all of these things happen. George Floyd murder in the middle of COVID, and all of these things have started to break apart the societal construct and the systems that have created the world that we live in. And bit by bit we were starting to break apart the and fragment. And that's not always a bad thing. It means that new narratives are being rewritten. When new narratives are being rewritten, it means that we're living in a different time, which means that our behaviors shift and change, and therefore the way we buy shifts and changes. And that is something that we're we're moving into now. And so, with that, people that are trying to adhere to the older model of this is how we do things are going to stagnate unless they move into the newer model, which is understanding the identity of the consumer. So we're looking at a much deeper meaning of audience and a much deeper meaning of people and belonging and culture and community, and having that at the center when everything around them feels so, I guess, uneasy, geopolitically, especially. Got a current war going on overseas, and I don't think people are looking at that as bad as it can be. I know that there's this protective avoidance, but what I want to do is have these hard conversations. I want to bring the conversations that other people are wanting to put wool over their eyes for, and I want to bring it to the table. If that means that I alienate clients or customers that want to work with me, I'm fine by that. Do not care. Because the ones that I do want to work with are the ones that are really wanting to make change. They know something needs to be changed, and I want to dive and get them, get that out of them. And so this is where I am now. So the conversation on brand and butter started off as like really, you know, started to titter in that conversation. And then it would go back to design because it was what people knew me for. So you can see even by the topics of this podcast, that it started off being safer content. There's a few in there, and then as I got on, it started to get deeper and it got deeper and it got deeper, and it got to more nuanced conversation. And it's gone like a bell curve. You see it just slowly incline, and lately it's jumped right up all of a sudden. Pretty crazy considering the podcast I don't promote. It's something that I need to do, but I don't. And again, it falls into the time thing because I still am a solo operator with my sister Sam still helping me out and then bringing in the uh retainer, not retainer, the the freelancers to help me out and then building out retainers so that I can bring people back in again. So it's been a big, um, I guess a big learning process, but with that also comes the way that I would market myself. It comes with the way that I see myself in the world and the way that I needed to get off the treadmill to appease this narrative that I actually didn't want. So I think when we're building out businesses or we're building out our personal brands, a lot of people try to build their identities and their strategies off this, what they should be. And where I want to build mine is where I am and where I want to be. And the end goal for me has always been. So my strategy has always been in line with what I've wanted to do. But obviously, it's getting deeper and deeper. And as society shifts with it, I know more than ever that we need voices in the spaces to make sure that we maintain integrity. And this is something that I'm moving into. So obviously, I am where I am now because I had to live through things. And I want everyone to know that you can't just paint yourself a story. You have to bring real life scenarios into your story, especially if you're a personal brand. Because the shallow surface stuff and talking to subjects that you think people want to know, they can read through your bullshit. I see so many people doing it all the time. I'm like, I know that you're just saying that because you know that people want to hear that. And there's a difference because there's a depth. It's something that people feel. And every time I get into a room, they everyone always says to me, I love the way you think. And I don't actually think that they love the way I think. I think that they love the, I guess, the permission that I've given myself to have these conversations. It's done in a way that makes people feel seen because they don't, or they don't know how to put the words to it. And I think because studying these things in terms of human behavior has given me a lens onto behavior, it has also changed the way that I communicate with people, especially in the validate first before you offer a suggestion. And all of this comes through my work. In the last 12 to 24 months, we have done probably the best work we've ever done. And that's because the strategy has been deep, the process has taken longer because people have allowed us that time, and because of that, they've got the best outcome from that. So when you talk about identity and self-concept, it's really the gap between who you are and I guess what you put out on your platforms, and it's the pre-conscious layer, it's letting people inside, and with that comes fear and vulnerability. Go cue Brene Brown. But when people see that, that's when they feel that they belong, they need permission. It's like people feel like permission. And it's also about proximity. I love that word lately, but the reason you couldn't see what is right in front of you isn't stupidity or a lack of self-awareness, I should say. It's the same reason no one can read their own brand cold or what they're trying to do cold is because there's too too much emotion there. And everyone's like, I'm not emotional. You are, everyone is that's how we are emotional beings. We walk, that's how we make decisions, and you're inside it. So it's hard for you to see what you need to do when you're sitting inside the bubble that you've built, and you look at it every day, and of course you can't see it, but a stranger can walk past and go, why don't you do that? Or this is what I like about you, and you go, Oh, of course, which is exactly what Kent did to me with talking about being a trailblazer. And I didn't realize how much of that I was holding back. Because with you, well, not you, but with I and and myself talking about some of these subjects, of course, it's subjects that are going to piss people off. Some of them people will feel, and you know what, I've said some things and people have not said anything back yet. And even now I've been holding back, but I've I'm slowly starting to get myself out there. But when there's an identity misalignment because you're trying to be someone that you're not, what happens off the back of that is that you attract the wrong people. You attract the wrong people, therefore you get the wrong clients, therefore you don't get to do the work you love. And in theory, it sounds good, but in like you know, getting good people in and get as many clients as you can, but in practice it sucks. And the wrong clients, the wrong pricing resistance, the content that lands, but doesn't necessarily convert. The reputation precedes you in a room you no longer want to be in, and all of a sudden you've built a business that you want to get out of. I see so many people get there, they work and they work and they work and they work and they get to the point where they're like, I don't even know who I am anymore. And this is where we are, I think, because everything's changed. But it's all a signal, it's like a sign for you to have a look, and all of it was visible to everyone except you. And it really does take that time to stop and look at it because identity takes work, identity is messy, and identity means that when you find something that you do like, it means that sometimes or that you were lying to or you want to do, it sometimes means that you have to let go of something else, and they can be relationships and they can be clients, they could be friends, whatever that may be. It's it's just what happens when you grow, things get cut. And people obviously talk about growing in terms of letting people go that they used to hang around because they don't trust them, but sometimes it can be someone that's extremely close to you, and these are the things that people are like, you know, the next level of growth, it's like, yeah, but the next level of growth can be scary, and so I wouldn't actually come in to say to you, it's absolutely fine for you to be scared because growth is scary, and our brains will try to make us feel safe. And what I did personally was an alignment, it was a forced alignment, but it was an alignment, and it was some this is coming from someone that always had a really good growth mindset. I was always really happy to take feedback, but it when you do the identity work and the alignment work in yourself, it flows through your business and it flows through everything that you do, and it flows through community and who turns up for you. And it's not necessarily a shift in the narrative, but it's definitely the honest version of you, and the way that it's executed comes out differently. Um what I will say though, uh if you're performing for your brand, you're there's an element of yourself that you feel really held back on, and I find that this is a lot of people. That's why content feels hard because you're trying to appease these stupid fucking algorithms that have been shaped to hook people in for addiction, and then you start to get up and sound like a monkey by five ways twos, and here's what I did, and this is why X equals Y, and then all of a sudden you've lost who you were because you're trying to perform. And brand authority and visibility is a performance in a way, but you can do it in terms of an authentic performance, and I think that that's something that a lot of people need to be aware of is that we need more human connection. It's actually something that I'm building, it's called Table Stage Left, and I'm hoping to have something rolling out for that in July. So keep your ears out for that. But otherwise, I will be having a in-person workshop in Sydney, Oran Park, if you're into in Oran Park Hotel on the 9th of June. I will be talking to that more in the next coming weeks, but I will drop a link in the bio for the wait list if you want to be first to hear about that. There's only 20 spots available, but this will be the work that we're doing. It will be deep identity work, uh, through line narratives, figuring out what it is that you do well, how to compartmentalize things, or at least break them apart to create like a really clear flow chart on what it is that you want to do. And if you're someone that works within a team, it's it's allowing you to be who you want to be, essentially, as a marketer, or it's a business owner who is struggling to figure out what they want to do, or it's someone that doesn't know what they're doing at all. It's like identity in your real life, and the honest version so that it becomes more aligned. So that was episode 100, and I wanted to be really open and honest as I always am, but to show that they always show the highlight reels, and everyone always shows that they did the hardships and they got to the success, and I could have stopped it when I got there. But then it dipped back down again, which a lot of businesses do, by the way. Even some of these big books. I was listening to one of the guys that was talking about brand building in terms of behavior. I can't remember who it was actually. I have to go back and see. They were saying that the top ten businesses that they mentioned in this book about wild success ended up four of four out of ten of them, I think, ended up dropping back down and into almost bankruptcy or like into a survival state. And so it just goes to show that just because they show the highlight doesn't necessarily mean that there is no bottom out after that. And we have to look at it like a roller coaster, always. And so that's why we're constant nervous systems are constantly on high. But anyway, I guess if someone was to encounter you tomorrow, are you saying the things that you think you want them to know about you? And if they're not, then maybe it's time to revisit what it is that you are trying to do. I think that everyone's feeling that wanting to do something different. I know I am. I'm coming into 40 in a couple of months, so I'm heavy having that. What do I do? What have I done with my life? I've done a lot, actually. You go back and have a look. And I guess it's are they receiving the same message that you are intending? And if not, what do you need to change? Aside from that, I also have our market shift. If you are wanting to have a look, it's a free guide. It breaks down the differences between business brand and marketing. I think that's talking to I guess where the gaps are and how you can kind of clean those up. But until then, I hope you enjoyed that personal episode. And I will chat to you next week. Did you like that episode? I hope so. Because if you did, why don't you head over to whatever platform you listen on and rate and review? It's much appreciated and helps others know what we're about. If you want to follow us, you can find us at your wanna only underscore AU on Instagram or head to www.youwananonly.com.au